Need a backup plan?

We all sext. Susan Lipkin’s research shows that people from their teens to their seventies are sending provocative photos and other titillating texts to consenting partners old and new. Single people do it, married people do it (with their actual spouses), and yes, adulterers do it. It’s just 21st century flirting, and for all its drawbacks, it brings the rush of endorphins that we crave before or after a tryst. (For teens, it’s another story.) Our online intimacies certainly have major implications for the way we relate one-to-one with other human beings. But for adults, it’s not scandalous, it just is.

Yes, Weiner is incredibly stupid for risking his career on this. Men in powerful positions tend to think they can get away with anything (see Vitter, Ensign, Edwards, Spitzer, Larry “Wide-stance” Craig, Foley, etc.) But let’s peek between the sheets and see if something else is at play here. Our culture is at once the most sexually repressed and hyper-sexualized nation on Earth. This entrenched Puritan ethos is so prevalent that most of us are running 18th century software in our brains when it comes to sexual mores. We may be revealing more in public, showing more T & A on the teevee, but it seems that the guilt gene is still in charge of our reactions to naked body parts and perceived perversions. It’s still not okay to be gay. People regularly refer to sex workers as “hookers” (even some feminists I know do this.) It’s 2011, and our collective sexual maturity is at the level of a twelve-year-old boy. And it seems to be getting worse, not better.

This incident and the many that have come before speak to our obsession with the power of the penis. Maybe now that we’ve seen Weiner’s weiner up close and personal, we can grow up and get over it. Penises are nice, necessary, and serve a variety of functions. But they shouldn’t run men’s lives, nor should they by extension run our media. Imagine if women’s orgasms were paid this kind of attention? (My theory: we wouldn’t have waged wars of choice twice in one decade if the clitoris got half as much attention as the penis does.)

Hypocrisy and sexual repression are, apparently, a heady, irresistible mix to the media. The afternoon that Weiner’s surreal press conference hit the airwaves (shown on every local channel in NYC, not just the 24 hour cable networks), we should have been talking about the five soldiers who died that morning in Iraq or the state of the economy.

Weiner has been a real hero on the left. Despite his recent, extremely moronic behavior, he’s proven to be incredibly smart and indispensable when it comes to standing up for the little guy. (I agree with him on just about everything but Israel.) Without him, Bernie Sanders, Patrick Leahy and Dennis Kucinich, we’d have no voice in Congress. And his voice has been the loudest, the most insistent. We can’t let this profoundly stupid slip-up ruin a champion of our cause. I trust his district will reelect him, because New Yorker’s are not so easily scandalized. He may even be Mayor someday. But this frenzy is precisely why Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh are salivating right now: they think that one of their enemies has been taken down of his own volition. Do we want them to get a win here?

Secrets and lies exist because people are afraid that their fantasies and desires are dirty. So what if we tilted the paradigm and communicated our real needs to our partners? What if we didn’t get married for the wrong reasons? What if we taught children that their body parts aren’t naughty? What if we opened our minds and created more space for ALL kinds of sexuality? What if we got behind Marriage Equality? What if we stopped being so fake and so righteously religious? The first thing that would happen is that our sex lives would improve. There wouldn’t need to be any “good wives”. We’d never be rocked by a sex scandal again, wasting precious air time and resources on a non-story.

It just takes a little consciousness-raising, and it starts with your relationship to your own body. I hate to break out the old “fear versus love” canard, but it’s appropriate here. This is our chance to make the personal truly political, starting in our bedrooms. We’ll get more pleasure, and change the world in the process.

Starting at 11 am EST on Tuesday, 2/8 and running through midnight on 2/9, you, lucky boy or girl, can win an AMAZING vibrator from Jimmyjane.com. The FORM 3 is powerful, body-safe and phthalate-free, waterproof, and totally Eco-Sex approved. Worth $145, this is the Rolls Royce of pleasure-providers. Perfect for solo or partner-sex, this highly-advanced toy (with an actual touch-pad) has a curved profile that flexes to meet your body. What will it do next, cook dinner and do the dishes? It will not make your lover obsolete, however, as it is designed to be shared. What could be better for Valentine’s Day? If you don’t have a gift for your special someone, this is your in.

Here’s how to win: like http://www.facebook.com/Ecosex on Facebook, then share this note on your page, and send me (Stefanie Iris Weiss) a quick message that says “posted” in the subject line. A winner will be chosen at random and announced on Thursday, 2/10. Spread the love, lovelies. Here’s my FB page: http://www.facebook.com/stefanieirisweiss

Learn more about the FORM 3 and Jimmyjane here: http://www.jimmyjane.com/shop/form3-p-138.html?zenid=77de0b04f0be0b7ede3623e00998bf59

For more about Stefanie Iris Weiss and her most recent book, Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press, 2010) go here: http://www.ecosex.net/ or check out the book’s Amazon page here: http://goo.gl/qYok.

xo

Stefanie

The Ecosexual Revolution (click image to read)

Thrilled about my debut column, “Above the Sheets”, in the fall edition of the beautiful ABOVE Magazine. Read more here: http://www.above-magazine.com/.

The following weekend I’m thrilled to host the Eco-Sex zone in the Smart Living Pavilion at The Ki, a sustainability experience taking place on Treasure Island from October 22nd to the 24th. From the press release:

“THE KI embraces the smart-living lifestyle of innovation, creativity, technology and sustainability. Established as a platform to present the latest in advanced thinking and smart-living, THE KI will join some of the world’s most innovative brands, designers, thinkers, leaders and influencers to share the future of better living.”

I’m honored to be working with the lovely Bahar Shahpar, an award-winning designer and eco-innovator. She’s curating the Smart Living Galleria, where the Eco-Sex zone will come to life. We’ll be partnering with lots of groundbreaking brands, including Sir Richard’s Condom Company, whose motto is “doing good never felt better”. Look out for their awesome VW bus (helmed by Matthew Gerson, a man that knows everything there is to know about sustainability and birth control). The best part? Free vegan condoms, of course!

I’ll be signing copies of Eco-Sex, and happy to answer questions about all things green and sexual.

As I say in my recently published book, Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable (Crown Publishing/Ten Speed Press) it’s time to create a new paradigm of sexual health:

If we aspire to redefine sexual health for a new generation of eco-sexuals, we should start by redefining sexual “dysfunctions” or “conditions.” Let’s called them “imbalances,” with the understanding that we can almost always bring our bodies back into balance with a combination of nutrition, detoxification, exercise, and psychological wellness. It’s the pharmaceutical industry that wants you to believe that you’re “dysfunctional” and therefore must rely on their wares. Before you fall for that line, explore other options.

The myths of “sexual dysfunction” are many. If a person learns that the way they feel is “dysfunctional”, the first thing they’ll do is reach for a (little blue) pill, or whatever the doctor is currently dispensing. But what if we looked at our sexuality through an entirely different lens? What if we started with our baseline health instead of instantly running for a pill the moment our bodies fail to perform they way we want them to?

Do you know how much Big Pharma spent on lobbying between 1998 and 2006? A whopping $855 million, more than any other industry in the US.

The aggressive marketing of Viagra, Cialis, and the rest of the drugs in this category are proof positive that making a buck is the point — improving people’s sex lives isn’t. If we were healthier in general — fit, free of diabetes, high cholesterol, and the many toxins that make us exhausted, perhaps we wouldn’t need a chemical boost in the bedroom — we’d rev right up at the right moment, without the pusher that is Big Pharma.

The vast majority of sexual imbalances can be addressed through diet. Heavy meat-eaters and those that consume too many processed foods are often obese and on a sugar see-saw. Experiment with vegetarianism or Meat-free Monday or if you’re more daring, go raw. If that’s all too radical, just cut down on the poisons and toxins and adapt a diet based on whole foods instead of nutrient-free processed foods, especially Frankenfoods. Insist on organic and GMO-free produce whenever possible.

Next: get moving. It’s nice to aspire a little boom-boom in the bedroom, but if the rest of your life is sedentary, how do you expect to find the stamina to make it happen between the sheets? (No less to get it up in the first place!) Daily exercise, even walking for thirty minutes a day, can almost instantly change your perception of “sexual dysfunction”.

We can get back to health, and subsequently back to great sex, by paying a bit more attention to the way we treat our bodies. Let the sexual healing begin.

Welcome to the first entry of 30 Days of Eco-Sex for the 40th Anniversary of Earth Day.

The Four Questions of Eco-Sex (Not Necessarily Kosher for Passover, but definitely SFW)

Why do we eat only organic, fair-trade, non-GMO and locally sourced foods?

Because treating your body like a temple is one of the smartest, sexiest ways to be green. The pesticides used on conventional produce are made from petrochemicals that pollute the environment, deplete the earth’s resources, and wreck the ecosystem of your precious body. And the more garbage you eat, the less energy you’ll have for getting it on. Remember that going vegan is even better for your eco-street cred: beef farming accounts for 18 % of the carbon output on planet earth.

Why do we slather only plant-based, paraben/petrochemical/preservative-free products on our bodies?

Because Eco-Sex starts with your relationship to your own body. When you wake up in the morning and begin the very intimate ritual of self-grooming, sex may not be foremost on your mind, but it’s definitely embedded in your subconscious. Make sure everything you rub into your skin is as edible as possible, and don’t be fooled by the sins of greenwashing.

Why do we use sustainable sex toys and healthy, non-hormonal birth control methods?

With all due props to Margaret Sanger for liberating women in the early 1960s, The Pill turns out to be a less than ideal way to prevent pregnancy. Hormonal birth control is bad not just for your own body, but for the eco-system at large. Go for fair-trade condoms like Sir Richards or French Letter Condoms. Even better, if you’re in a monogamous relationship, get an IUD. If you’re a die-hard ecosexual, consider the snip.

Playing with toys is fun, but it’s even better when it’s safe and healthy. Make sure yours are made from materials like silicone instead of plastic. Jimmyjane makes gorgeous, sustainable, long-lasting toys with rechargeable batteries.

Why do we walk, bike, or take public transportation to meet our lover instead of driving?

Our addiction to car culture has long been out of control. Ecosexuals get where they’re going by alternate means, because they know that oil is not just dirty, but about to peak. Barack Obama may have annual seders in the White House, but he certainly isn’t paying any heed to the Four Questions of Ecosex with his new climate plan. The ecosexy way to get where you’re going for a little sumthin’ sumthin’ doesn’t require drilling offshore.